Don’t Let ’em Tax Our, er, Your Porn

Tea-Party Worthy or a Test of Darwinian Theory?
Porn Tax: Tea-Party Worthy or a Test of Darwinian Theory?

That’s what New York is planning on doing:

A state proposal to add a 4% tax for downloading movies and music will also apply to Internet porn. Gov. Paterson recently suggested the so-called iPod tax to help close a $15 billion budget deficit, but few realized the levy would also apply to XXX-rated material. The skin industry denounced the move as a cheap political stunt.” The last thing any of us need is an additional tax,” said Steven Hirsch, the CEO of Vivid Entertainment Group and self-proclaimed King of Porn. “These are very difficult times and nobody can afford to lose even one customer.” It would also apply only to businesses located in New York State, leaving some to wonder if companies would relocate to avoid the tax. Conservatives railed against the tax, but for a very different reason.”By taxing it you’re legitimizing it,” said New York Conservative Party Chairman Michael Long, adding that government shouldn’t profit from porn. “If you’re taxing it – how can it be wrong? I don’t know how you can sink much deeper [emph added].

Here at the Acre of Independence, we approach the notion of a proposed internet porn tax as a test of darwinian theory. Sure, like libertarian porn king Steve Hirsch, we balk at all tax increases on principle alone. But anyone who actually pays for adult internet entertainment deserves to be taxed. Internet porn tax is a tax on the ignorant, pure and simple.  The ignorant in this case being the uninitiated, who don’t realize that there is so much free internet porn out there that you can practically (as Drew Carey once said) see it from space.  A hint for all you newly-subscribed AOL dial-up users: Free Porn is not a myth, I HAVE SEEN IT!

Steve Hirsch probably knows this as well, and my guess is that incremental cost increases to his readily available, commoditized product will drive the remainder of Vivid’s internet customers to hit “the google” a little bit more to find the promised land of free adult entertainment . So goodbye, Vivid Internet download division, we hardly knew ye. But don’t count Vivid down for the count yet. Hirsch still his DVD division, and the cash cow of piping Vivid films into hotels for $9.95 a pop, at least until people stuck in crappy hotels figure out that the promised land of free porn is simply one wireless connection away.

Post Script: A special thanks to all of my co-workers and friends (and especially my brother), who educated me on the ins and outs of adult internet  entertainment, a subject I obviously know nothing (less than nothing, actually) about, as I prepared this post.

Post Post Script: New Yorkers, is there some wiggle room on that iTunes tax? Find a way to make that tax uncollectable, so those of us who buy EVERYTHING on the internet do not suddenly find ourselves funding the social welfare provisions of the stimulus bill!

UPDATE: Once the government starts taxing your porn, nothing is sacred; Oregon state lawmakers have proposed a 1900%, yes, that’s NINETEEN-HUNDRED PERCENT, tax on each barrel of beer produced in Oregon.That’s an increase of $49.71 per barrel of beer produced in the state.  A pint of beer, after brewers passed the tax down to consumers, would go from $4.50 to $6.oo. This proposed tax increase is certainly worthy of 10,000 smashed kegs on the steps of the state capitol, no? Well, maybe 10,000 kegs of Busch, anyway, blecch.

Of course, you can still brew 200 gallons of your own beer and wine each year, as we do here at the Acre of Independence; no one feels the sting of sin taxes here. If you want to avoid funding your local or state government’s stupid, failing programs, or protest their attempts to balance the budget by raising taxes on the things you love (and calling those things a costly sin), then consider buying your homebrewing kit.  What better way to thumb your nose at an encroaching, failed bureaucracy than drinking five gallons of home-brewed IPA?

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3 thoughts on “Don’t Let ’em Tax Our, er, Your Porn

  1. Don’t they realize that Al Gore invented the greatest porn distribution system ever devised?? One of it’s finest qualities is the abundance of free porn as far as the finger can click.

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